The Unpopular Choices

E98A0D63-DDF5-4719-841F-2DCC170FA7EE.jpegHave you made unpopular choices and or decisions in your life that anyone around you start questioning about it?

Perhaps choosing an average guy over a handsome guy? Or courting an average girl over the pretty ones even if it’s obvious that these pretties are into you?

Or choosing to be with low profile friends over those famous and elite ones?

Whatever the reasons you may have for that choices, people around you will always have something to say about it no matter what, be it good or bad.

At some point in my life, people started asking me why I made few unpopular choices. Some even asked why I chose someone less over the rest of the good ones among the options.

The question is, how they come up with the idea that one thing is better than the other? What are the basis? Is it from some preset standards? Who made the standards?

Well, what is less in the eyes of the others might be the only thing better and the most precious among the rest for some. And that is the art of perception – ceasing to see the familiar scene, digging deeper, shaking it, and as if by magic, you will see a totally different meaning in it.

At any point of your life, you will meet someone that you will choose over the others for no reason at all – as it may seem, like choosing a partner perhaps. Having a good-looking partner is not like winning the lottery. Because when you take away the looks as a factor, that is the only time, you could really say that you are lucky or not. Because what really matters will reveal upon you when superficial factors are taken out of the scene.

Having good looks is just a bonus. What really matters is what the person is really made inside. Having a partner with great looks is very different from having a partner with great personality. Well, lucky for you if you can have both in one package, but I doubt it. I mean, I really doubt it if you can still find one.

Finding your perfect partner is like an endless game of chance. Sometimes you will lose, stumble, fall, get bruised, but you will continue to get up every time, becoming stronger, bolder and smarter. And when you find the one, you don’t care what others might say, because you made that choice for a thousand reasons no matter how unpopular it may be.

When someone will ask you why you made that choice or if that someone will ask you, why you chose him/her? You seemed to be out of words no matter how witty you are. It seemed that you can’t find any reason why you made that choice but when you look deeper, in your heart, you have a million if not a thousand reasons why.

You chose that someone because he/she made you laugh. You chose that someone because he/she does not give you headaches, does not get angry on petty stuffs. He/she is that someone whom you can tell your deepest secrets, comfortable talking with for hours, understands you even if you don’t say a single word. That someone gave you comfort when you are in the lowest point of life, creates time when you need it even when he/she have other important things to do.

You chose that someone because you can do crazy stuffs together then talk and laugh about it later. You chose that someone because he/she doesn’t want you to get hurt, uncomfortable, worried, and sad. You chose that someone who understands you completely, someone who seemed the only one who talks with sense to you.

You chose that someone who won’t make you beg for anything, make you look stupid, make fun of you in front of people, and won’t say anything that can harm you. You chose that someone because you feel protected, valued, safe, loved. You chose that someone who brings out the best version of you. You chose that someone because it feels like – home.

It is still amazing that people, whether family, friends, colleagues, etc, still set standards for us sometimes. It is kind of both funny and irritating that they have high expectations at times. They set the bar that high based on the norms of society and will redicule you when having that unpopular decisions or choices in your life.

But still it is our own life. We are the master of it! If it feels right, do it. What is important is spending our life with the things that matters most to us and not what matters with them.

It just take courage to make unpopular decisions/choices. Yes, temporary discomfort may follow and we need to endure it, but we know that it will have the best long term result. In the end, your life is your own road and yours alone, others may walk it with you but no one can walk it for you!

 

 

 

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Why singles choose to stay single?

Why are you still single?

            Because… why not?

There are some questions that really never should be asked aloud. Questions like ‘Why haven’t you been able to find a job?’, ‘Do you have really plans to get married?’ And of course, there’s the classic, ‘Why are you still single?’

Most often than not, each individual will have different responses on these questions. Some might get offended; few will just smile, walk away or just leave the question alone. Funny!  Isn’t it?

No… not really…

It’s amazing that people still think it’s appropriate to ask this question, and there will always be that one family member or relative, coworker or friend who awkwardly comes up to you at the family gatherings, totally forgetting that you have human feelings and dares to utter the most dreaded and despised five fateful words especially for single ladies.

This question sometimes could not have the justice it wants. Why? Because people tend to answer it safely, in a tone down manner, or in a way wherein the one asking will have no choice but to stop basking around. So, if I may ask, why are you single?

Is it because you don’t want to settle yet? Is it because you are afraid of commitment? Or you have high standards that no one has passed the bar you set that high? Is it because you find it quite awesome not having to check in with anyone but yourself?

Is it because you have mastered the art of loving yourself and learned to love being alone with all of the freedom and creative time it afforded you. Or you just don’t say anything, instead give them a look or a smile and just walk away?

If you would ask me, why am I single? Perhaps I would say, “there are bigger things to worry about in my life than who is sharing my bed. Besides, there is nothing wrong with being single, ayt? Maybe it’s not my time yet, for I all I know getting a partner is not a race. Everything will fall into place when the time is right.”

Actually, you can have a very lengthy answer as you please but I think honesty is the best approach to the question. We might still be single because we’ve made some bad choices up to this point in time. There are times when we pushed away the one or ones who would have made great partners to us because we are so “pabebe” and didn’t think that we deserved all the goodness that they offered and about to give.

We maybe too hesitant to entertain someone and let him or her in to our lives because of that fear that a better one might come along. Sometimes we are too consumed by the thoughts of what ifs, what if the right one is yet to come and I am already with someone else? What if our relationship would not work? What if I would fall out of love sooner? What if I am not good enough?

But no matter what your reasons are, everyone should know that still, it is your choice. As long as you are happy with your choice, then there is nothing to worry about. Yes, meaningful companionship is essential but our life shouldn’t be any less valuable in the absence of a romantic relationships.

But is it the only contributing reason why we stay single?

             Perhaps not.

In most cases, it is the environment around us that contributed massively the reason why. Society and the people in it are too cruel and seemed all knowing that they already set standards and expectations for us on what should be and who should be the one for us.

Making odd choices can often create a frown to most of the people around us. They will start questioning you the unending whys? People will question every decision you have made based on their set standards. Well, it is not really the case every time, but it is the most common reason why we keep our personal lives away from public consumption.

Sometimes, it is sad to know that people could not appreciate what you have. Instead of being happy for your choices, they will always have something to say about it no matter what. Most people could not really appreciate what you saw in a person why you made that choice. They will keep questioning why you settled for what they saw as less when you have all the better ones.

And this is also one of the reasons why, people tend to stay single. They don’t want to be judged. They don’t want to take the risks. They don’t want other people to say something about them.

And for those brave souls who dared to take the risks and made those unpopular decisions, few will prefer to portray as single, when they are actually not. Well, it’s their own choice. A choice to live under the impression of other people.

But what’s the point of living a life under the impression of the society? Will the society make you happy? Who cares what decisions you’ll make for yourself? It is only you who can make it for yourself. Don’t let others dictate what you should do and should not. As long as you don’t break any law and as long as you are happy with it, it’s worth a try. It doesn’t always mean that what doesn’t look good is not great. Stay away from the stigma of closing doors to certain things without even trying.

If being single doesn’t look good to some it doesn’t mean that it is bad. If staying single is your option just to please the society then you’re fucked up! If staying single makes you happy, then just go with it! Go out, have fun! Do whatever you want, you have the freedom to do what makes you happy! Either you’re single, taken, in a complicated relationship, married, etc. Be a carefree soul! In the end you are responsible for your own happiness.

What is Happiness? Where does it come from?

 

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As Mary Stuart said,

“To be kind to all, to like many and love a few, to be needed and wanted by
those we love, is certainly the nearest we can come to happiness.”

But what is happiness?

Happiness is an emotional state of well-being defined by pleasurable emotions associated with contentment, good spirits, lightheartedness and joyfulness. Simply put, happiness is the state of being happy.

Happiness is that feeling that comes over when you know life is good – that what you think, what you say and do are in sync with each other. It is a feeling that once you had it, you can’t help it but smile.

When people are successful, feel loved, or safe, or lucky, they feel happiness. However, success is not really the key to happiness but the other way around. It should be happiness is the key to ones success. Success is not easy to have, one really needs to go through a process to have it. But one thing for sure,if you are happy and love what you are doing, you will be successful.

Happiness really depends upon ourselves. It is not something that we can buy in the stores and not sort of ready-made things. It comes as a result of our actions. Our actions determine which course we’re heading, either to the happy road or totally to the opposite road.

Being happy doesn’t mean everything is perfect but it means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections. Happiness is acceptance. It is an art of learning how to bear what we cannot change! It is the art of never living on the past and not holding any memory of the unpleasant things that has passed. Happiness is the art of letting go.

And where this thing called Happiness come from?

Yes, one can be happy by their achievements in life, earning a fortune, being famous, having the things that they don’t have. People are often told that  these are the things that contributes to happiness. That is why people leaned on to work and push  harder to achieve more because we are given the impression that these are the things that we need to go after in order to have a good life. But these are just relative things that contributes happiness.

According to the study conducted at Harvard, wealth, fame, working harder and harder for more achievements are not really the source of true happiness.

The study shows that Happiness comes from one thing and it’s from good close relationships.

According to the study, good close relationships keep us happier and healthier with the following lessons:

1. Social connections is good for us and that loneliness kills.

People who are more socially connected to family, friends, to community are happier, physically healthier and lived longer.

2. Its not the number of friends you have or family members you have, but it’s in the quality of relationship that you have.

3.Good relationships don’t just protect our bodies but also our brains. Good close relationship is good for our health and well-being. It will help our brains stay sharp.

For most of our life, nothing wonderful happens. If we don’t enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the chances are we’re not going to be very happy. If we based our happiness on major events like great achievements, having a fortune, trip to the world, it’s not a guarantee that we’re going to be happy much of the time. Moreover, if, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, night walk, dinner with family or friends, etc then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.

I believe compassion is one of the few things that we can practice that will bring immediate and long-term happiness to our lives. And even if happiness doesn’t last forever, it doesn’t mean it’s not worth our while.

And we should always remember that good life is built with good relationships wherein someone accepts our past, supports our present and encourages our future.

Tell me how you define happiness and where it came from in your perspective by leaving your thoughts in the comment box below.

Essential Traits of a Good Friend

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What is Friendship?

Friendship is a type of relationship between two people who care about each other. It is a relationship of mutual affection between people. Friendship is an interpersonal bond that is way stronger than just a plain association.

A friend is the first person you want to call when you have good news to share. A friend remembers what kind of food you can eat and you don’t like to eat. A friend will accompany you on the most boring of errands and or appointments and make them seem fun as much as possible. A friend is the one who knows first of your frustrations, mistakes, problems and life plans.

Simply put, friendship is wonderful!  When it comes to finding friends, perhaps the most important thing to learn is what exactly friendship is all about. Too much research time spent and ink spilled just to cite what are the virtues of having friends. That’s not to say friendship is easy, though. Friendship needs sacrifice and compromise. It demands time and effort. It means that sometimes, it requires you to put others first before yourself. Friendship needs you to be selfless at times. As a reward for that effort, a friend can provide a colossal amount of support and comfort, may it be in good times or bad.

What are the Essential Qualities of a Good Friend?

There are many forms of friendship, some of which may vary from place to place. While there is no practical limit on what types of people can form a friendship, friends tend to share common interests, hobbies, backgrounds, occupations, and have similar demographics. Friendship does not have age bracket too. Certain characteristics are present in many types of this friendship bond. Such characteristics include affection; kindness; love; honesty; loyalty; trustworthiness; unconditional acceptance; virtue; sympathy; empathy; altruism; mutual understanding and compassion; enjoyment of each other’s company; humor; the ability to be oneself and express one’s feelings, and make mistakes without fear of judgment from each other.

A true friend may have many different good qualities, but the basic qualities that all good friends share with one another are the most important. Friendship can begin very quickly but it really needs time to build the bond into lasting and valuable one. We often hear people say that good friends are hard to find and even harder to keep, but everyone needs a good friend even if they are far from each other or just few of them around.

Listed here are some of the most essential qualities that a person needs to have in order to qualify as a true friend:

Understanding

One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and be understood. You don’t have to be someone’s clone to understand them. Everybody understands that it’s common to be happy on payday, right?

Most of us are friends with someone because of how we feel when we are around them. How they make us feel is based on a lot of things.

You may have found a few people in your lifetime that you’ve just clicked. You instantly knew each other, and were finishing the sentences of the other that same day. People will think you know each other for a very long time simply because you understood each other.

Not everyone understands you at the same level. Some might understand you in the context of work, others might understand your approach and loyalties in sports or hobbies. Regardless of how much of you, or which parts of you, they understand, it is a wonderful thing to find in another person. And it is a quick way to make a friend.

Why is understanding between friends important?

Think about how most fights with a teenager end. In frustration they spit out the words common of teens across the planet, and across time itself. “You just don’t understand!” Then they walk away, slam a door, or simply cease communicating with you and drop you off.

Looking at it from the other side, how friendly can you get with someone who just doesn’t understand you? They don’t understand why you do what you do, why you think the way you think, and why you behave the way you behave. What can you have in common with them? What will be the basis of the friendship?

But what about someone with whom you wish to improve your friendship? Understanding them better would certainly help, as would helping them understand you better.

But how do you do that? The preferred method is communication. Specifically, listening. Ask them “gentle” questions about what they do in different situations, why they do it, and why they believe what they do. In short, try to understand them not change them. If it’s hard, now try to switch the situation and put your feet in their shoes, you will be amazed that you might find it hard to understand yourself too.

It will likely take some time to get to understand what is going on with them, and how they think, but if you are serious about becoming closer to someone, it is a vital thing to do.

Now you don’t have to know every detail of their every thought process. You don’t need to know all the details of how a clock works to understand the passage of time. You don’t need to pull back the curtain on everything, just the things which are most important to you.

Most people are willing to talk about themselves and what makes them tick. At least if you can keep it from feeling like an interrogation. And you can stick to the things they are comfortable with at that time. Eventually you can work into the more sensitive topics, as you build a friendship.

Because, in the end, that’s what this is all about, isn’t it? Building a stronger friendship by better understanding the other person. Go on trips with your friends and see how they react in different environment.

On the other side, if someone seems to be asking you some oddball questions, it might be that they are just killing time, or they might be trying to get to know a little more about you. Trying to find out if they can understand you, and if you understand them.

Most of us believe that opposites attract. It’s fun watching two opposite people trying to understand each other. And remember, understanding and agreeing are two different things. 

Your friends may understand all your quirks, but that doesn’t mean that they agree with them. Understanding is not changing the other person, rather it is the act of accepting them for who they are. You can not go to the forest and expect to catch a fish. That is why people often get frustrated because they have the wrong expectations most of the time.

We are all human, we are all unique. We all are a little different, and finding and understanding those differences are part of becoming closer to another person. But that involves listening, and tactfully asking questions. That takes practice and some skill.

Or you can just take your chances with them not understanding your motives or your questions. But if they don’t understand, you have to ask yourself if you will put in the effort. Because friendship will be severed when either one stops to understand and willing to throw all the goods like they don’t give a fuck. Show them love anyway.

Honesty and Trust

This maybe the most important quality for friendship. Why? Because it is really difficult to befriend anyone who lies all the time in your face. Sometimes, we are consumed by the idea that we should lie in order for our friends not to get hurt. It is a big mistake! It can only lead to trust issues and friendship can be severed at any moment or with just one lie. While sometimes it can seem a bit harsh or they may even disagree with your choices, your good friend won’t hide their views – especially if they think it’s in your best interest.

Take for example: Your friend A had this conflict with your other friend B and that you are always with your friend A. But at some point you plan to hang-out with your friend B. You decided not to tell your friend A about it or the other way around to avoid something to happen. Do you think it could make things better? You just made your friend A doubt your honesty and he/she might get hurt about the gesture. It could send a message of betrayal and you might lose your friend A in the long run. Just be honest. Your friends will understand your actions that you have your own life and that you have your own set of friends that also needs your time. You are friends because you trust each other, right?

Being able to trust one another involves being comfortable with vulnerability. If you have difficulty sharing your authentic self with a friend, it is doubtful your friend will be easily willing to do this for you. So do me a favor; if you have that good friend, just be honest as much as possible. If you can’t be honest to each other, then you’re not meant to be good friends, nothing more.

Sensitivity and Empathy

Sensitive people make good friends because they often see life on their own terms which allows them to understand the thoughts and feeling of others. Being a good friend involves being aware of your needs and recognizing your values. When a person is ignorant and uncaring, it is hard to consider them as a good friend. It does not cost you a fortune by showing that you really care your friends, right? It is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign that you have a heart. It is a sign that the other person is important.

A sensitive and empathic friend can actually feel what you are going through – because they have been there before. Or, they simply relate to you on such a deep level that they can profoundly understand what you are experiencing. Friendship sometimes demand that you will compromise, bend some life principles or word of honor and even swallow your damn pride. Good friends are always there at your side even if they don’t really know what really just happened to you rather than distancing themselves because they are fed up of the situation! There is nothing worse than not being around with your friend that needed you the most.

Humor and Fun Factor

Rolling on the floor laughing till your stomach hurts doesn’t happen with just anyone. Your best of friends know exactly what will trigger a belly-aching laugh, and between the personal jokes and shared experiences, your bestie knows how to tickle your funny bone.  A friendship should make both people in the relationship happy. Both people should have fun when they spend time together. Life is better when approached with a good sense of humor and people that are happy and outgoing are a lot more fun to be around than someone who is depressed, moody and sees the empty half of the glass all the time.

Most often than not, a group of friends that has a good sense of humor creates a wave of positive effects to the people around them. People will start to like the vibe the friendship has brought to the world. The fun and the good friendship radiated to the people outside your circle creates that feeling of wanting them to get in and experience it by themselves. But be extra careful as some people may want to break that good vibe you’re having – for some people always tend to destroy beautiful things and it’s inevitable most of the time.

Loyalty

Loyalty is a quality that everyone looks for in a friend. A loyal friend will stick with you no matter how frustrated or what the situation is and you can always count on them being on your side. Good friends doesn’t leave you because they grow tired of you, felt like they never learn from you, think that you’re the dumbest person on earth, and look for another friends to have fun.

If your friends keep on looking for greener pasture in most aspect of life, it could mean that your friend is always testing the waters, and may or may not be really a loyal type. That friend has the tendency to leave you when you are of no use for his/her personal gain. You might start to evaluate your friendship right away. Do yourself a favor and distance yourself as soon as possible or make some boundaries. You might get hurt in the long run for that friend will take you for granted anytime soon.

A Good Listener

If someone just doesn’t “hear” what you’re saying when you confide in them, they won’t make a very good friend. Communication is a two-way street and being a good listener is one half of the equation. If your friend doesn’t confide in you, or you might be wondering why your friend has opted to confide and rather tell everything to others, it maybe because you are not a good listener.

If you are not willing to listen to what your friends has to say, or show no interest during your talks, then don’t ask or be surprised why your friends will eventually not talk to you about anything important at all. Remember that good friends could make the most boring topic interesting when both of you are willing to listen. At the end of the day, we really need that good friend to talk to and listen to what we wanted to say, no matter how dumb the topic may seem.

Generosity

A good friend is openly generous in personality and character. They will be generous with both their time and their money, and they won’t hesitate to help you when needed. Giving is something that comes naturally between good if not best friends, with each person willing to share what they have with the other. A true friendship has boundaries, but abundance is key – always remember that you could not give what you don’t have. No tabs are kept on who gives and who receives, creating a flow of sharing and caring between you both. But keep in mind that the most precious thing you can give is the gift of time.

Encouragement and Support

Your bestie or good friend thinks that you are awesome and is there to give you a boost when you are feeling low. As your personal cheerleader, your best friend reminds you of how many great things you have to offer the world, always focusing on your positive attributes that make you shine. A good friend will be supportive of you and your goals, and they will act accordingly. Being supportive of others in their bad times is a defining quality of a good friend, but being supportive of others in their good times is also essential. The saying goes, “Everybody loves a winner,” but for some of us, this just isn’t so. If you have trouble celebrating another’s good fortune and experience envy or even bitterness, this may limit the depth of your friendships.

A true friend will help you become the person you want to be and know how to help you handle problems. A good friend supports you in pursuing your dreams, even if it means letting you go, even it means they are hurting in the process of not seeing you.

Steadfastness

Your best friend has your back! No matter the situation, you know that when you need your friend to be there for you, they are present without fail. Your friend will make time for you whenever you need them. Your good friend will leave work despite being busy and make excuses just to be with you. Always remember: friendship is a two-way street. If your friend needs you, don’t tell them things like “you are just hungry, go eat!”, “your just being lonely”, “just sleep it dude”, and other stuffs like that. If you can’t make it, tell them. And if your good friends ask you for help or want to spend time with you, avoid telling them to ask help or spend time to someone else. It sends a really bad message of pushing your friend away. In the first place, if they need the other person’s help or company, your friend won’t ask it from you.

 

To be perfectly frank, that’s a pretty hard list of characteristics. Human beings can clash very easily, which is why it’s hard for some people to maintain many friendships. It’s possible that friendship can exist between two people at one stage of life, but life changes and personal growth may make friendship impossible at another stage. It can be hard to meet the people who would make the perfect friend. It is really hard to realize that you have a lot in your mind that you want to talk about but at the end of the day, you have no one to talk to.

How to increase your Friendship Quotient?

Before you can increase your Friendship Quotient, you must first admit that the need exists. Remember, everyone brings a different level of essential traits to their relationships. For sometimes, we may jump first to judge a friend’s behavior, rather than our own. Perhaps we forget that relationships rely on mutual interactions.

It is important for all of us to examine our own contribution to the dynamics of any relationship we have. It is only our own behavior that we can change, and there are certain personal characteristics that are essential to cultivate to build a healthy and lasting friendships. Take an honest look at your own behaviors and see if you need to raise your “friendship quotient” to raise the likelihood of maintaining the close connections you desire.

What are the essential traits of a good friend for you? Comment it down below and let’s share thoughts.